Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
