My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
