so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
