What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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