maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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