so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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