i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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