Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
