My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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