he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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