I wish I could punch you in the face.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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