i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
