Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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