I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
