the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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