Already got asked if we're dating
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
