Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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