It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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