I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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