there's paper in my vomit.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
