ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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