I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
