it hurts more in the daytime
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
