I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize