Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
