90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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