I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
