It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
