They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
