my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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