she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Two words: blizzard sex
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
