I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
