help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just had sex bonerless
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
