i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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