I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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