I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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