We're facebook friends in real life
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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