they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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