I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
