I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
