from now on my penis is your penis
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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