I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
