You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
