I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have fence marks all over my body
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
