The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
