i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
