White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
