Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think your dad took our porno
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
