I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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