How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
