ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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