I feel like abortions should bother me more
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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