I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's Friday. Sex?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
