I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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