11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
