I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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