just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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