Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
