Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
