I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
