yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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