I must be too annoying 4 u.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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