remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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