UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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