im six kinds of drunk right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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