You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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