the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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