ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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