Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Found your dick twin last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
