the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
